keeping up with jones

okay - so i fxcking need a haircut!
the self esteem seems to be slipping away from me...
got me stuck in the house thinking everybody can still see through my window and laugh...





yeah right!

you folks know i got the self esteem of a porn star.
as a matter of fact i think today i will wear a speedo and head to the intersection of wilshire & vermont and stop traffic.





but i still need a haircut!

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so today is just beginning for me @ 4:00pm.
i've been bullshxtting all day - procrastinating on my shower.

now don't get me fxcked up or anything.
i know how to appreciate a shower - but i just haven't been motivated today yet!

again...the haircut.
but i'm going in there in a sec.

and...i usually cut my own hair, but i need the back faded now, and i can't do that myself. and if i could, i'd refuse.

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in an hour i can be found on wilshire @ wasabi with whoever wants to join me for $1.00 happy hour sushi.
i got a pocket full of legal tender and a hunger for yellow tail and spicy tuna.

lets get it!

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my little sister turned 18 today which makes me feel really old.
i think i missed her teen years for the most part.

what's next for her?
what's next for me?

i turn 30 when she turns 21
it'll be a happy year for us both.

i think i'll be pretty glad to see such an old age. lol.

i remember when i turned 24, all i'd keep thinking was:
damn...biggie was 24 when he died.
but when i was 13 - 24 seemed old as fxck.

ahhh well.

i look forward to old age because i know i've accomplished so much - my age will be measured in achievements. not many people can say that. i know TOO MANY 25+ year olds that have done absolutely nothing they're proud of - excpet maybe graduating college...

but even dummies graduate college.

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before i jump in this shower, let me say this:

"to gain that which is worth having - it may be necessary to lose everything else"
-bernadette devlin
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so the month of august may find me doing something i haven't done in years: stressing.

i'm lying. i won't be stressing, but there will be many decisions that need to be made.
do i stay in los angeles and continue to climb this ladder?
or do i go back to howard university and continue to climb that ladder?

side note: i have what's known as ataraxia: a state of tranquility free from anxiety and emotional disturbance.

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my pros - cons - & bullshxt:

1. i came to los angeles with nothing but an unpaid internship and a gig as a script writer for a film company out of chicago. since being here i've developed into a script editor & evaluator, a playwright, and socialite.

2. howard has fxcked me over in a major way at least 4 times - no lube. the only thing going for howard is the degree at the end of the program - 2 years from now.

3. los angeles is not the east coast. no one here knows how to hustle and grind to achieve - except me - and 7 others.

4. i have a better chance of making my dreams happen out here than back there - a much better chance.

5. i hate los angeles.

6. there are people in dc i love, like and care for.

fxck! what should i do?



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so this weekend is coming to a close in a little under two hours and i must say:
i will miss it.

i had a great time in parks - restaurants - and ikea couches.

i've fallen back in love with a chef that i've known since the days of olde:





he knows the way to my heart is through my stomach. (no brokeback)

a great way to top it all off would have been to go and see esther's little ass in that movie 'orphan.'
i hear there's something wrong with her.
i don't know about you - but i feel it may scare me a little bit.
have me scare to look at adopted kids and shxt.

we shall see.
maybe tomorrow.

i think i'll try to sneak into the theater at universal city walk.
hopefully a girl with low self esteem is working at the ticket window - that's usually the case!

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so tonight i kick it with my pseudo celebrity friends while searching for new folks in my los angeles network.
i can't hang with the lazy and socially retarded - so it's hard making friends in los angeles.

the friends i have here are from the south or the east

now hiring:
la born & raised friends with the spirit of a hustler
and the moxy of a grinder.

start immediately.

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and i leave you with this picture and question:

who will cry for the little boy?