keeping up with jones

yeah yeah yeah - new tattoo. "blessed are those who struggle"
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yeah, god lives on the other side of the wall.

actually, i'm not 100% sure what i meant by that, but it felt good to say it.
and deep.
speaking of being deep: i hate when poets say "this poem is going to be deep" before they spit the poem and it turns out to be wack as fxck.
nah mean?

if i was forced to give a title to every 30 days, i would call the past 30 days: "the 30 days of insecurities."
92.3% of the people in my life spent a great deal of those days feeling insecure - whether they admitted it to me or not. what i do know for sure is that i'm no dummie - and i know people (thanks to a few professors, mentors, books, and being who i am) - and i know what insecurity looks and sounds like.

if you're sitting there asking yourself "is he talking about me?" - then i'm talking about you.

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feeling better about my workouts:




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and i'm thinking of making a few changes to the reality television world:

i think the biggest loser should NOT be about losing weight...but about real losers:
neffie
frankie
lisa raye
brandy
ray j
kim & reggie

and the list goes on.
i mean, for real! what the hell is the issue?
why does EVERYBODY have a reality show?

the only reality show starring a used-to-be celebrity that was worth watching and that deserved an EMMY was BEING BOBBY BROWN. for real.
that was BY FAR the greatest show ever in life.

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i'm learning that my even my reflection is finding it hard to be me. the life is getting a bit hard - but fair - and i love it more now than i did yesterday.

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last week was coachella here in LA - crazy crowds, bands, jay -z, cocaine, liquor and diversity.
who could ask for anything more.

okay okay okay - i didn't do cocaine - but the people i was with did cocaine...
so it was still a great time.

and this is NOT my endorsement to try it.
sigh - stop being so damn sensitive.

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and if you've been reading, you'd know i've been doing 30 poems in 30 days. today i posted poem 19: (check post below).

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if these walls could talk...we would think someone was trapped inside of them and be scared as hell.
lol. for real.
#random, i know.
speaking of random, i still dislike 99% of tyler perry's work.
and i'm about to send a nasty letter to ntozake shange's house for giving permission to produce her masterpiece.

i hate being an intellectual sometimes.
looking at many of my high school friends, i sometimes think it would have been easier to make nothing of myself, trap myself in a box, and one day die thinking there's nothing else out there.

then i think:
naw.

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oh yeah...why are you not following me on twitter? : @skinnyjeanius

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and there's 5 weeks until memorial day.
some of you with the muffin tops may have waited too long to start working out - but those of you with a chance can get the body you really want by then. DO IT!!!!

if you're reading this...that means you could also be doing crunches right now. right? right? right?

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well...don't wanna bore you relaly and i really dont have much to discuss with you...
so i'll end it there.

cool?

get at me.

so it's post-midnight and i'm up cooking healthy before this workout i'm about to get myself into.
jesus help me.

side note: just because i say jesus' name often - it does not make me christian. no more than my saying 'holy mackerel' makes me a believer in religious fish.

so there had to be a break in the sorrow.
and of course it happened during my religious experience in section 213 k-4 at the baltimore arena when jay rose from the stage.
i mean - how can you hit a jay-z concert and not be moved spiritually?
religious folks: fall back - i do not think he is god - but i would put him close to youknowwho.

so - once again - thanks to @fearcediva for setting that out for the kid.
woooooo!

and if jay wasn't enough - the white chick in the bright lime green biker shorts with the lace panties that were a centimeter away from peeking out the bottom of the shorts would have been entertainment enough. then she pulled out her blunt and offered it to all the black folks around her.
& you know how we are!
"fuck no i ain't smoking after you!"

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and lately i've been feeling kind of self conscious about my gear.
not too much - because i'm still cooler than a bunch of the mofos i see on a daily basis & my attitude and personality alone will carry me far...

it's just that i want a change.
i feel like i'm loitering.
so i've been thinking about a few different styles.
and i'm going to revert back to my college days.
before everybody was on pharell & kanye's dxck - that was me.
walking the yard looking like an abercrombie & fitch window model & shxt.

so i'm headed back in that direction.
still on my thrift store game though.
damn right! thrfit store.
that's where i've gotten my members only jackets ($7 a piece)
and my bird pants & 85% of my gear.

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so i start shooting my film next week i think. i hope.
and also the reality show i was offered to produce here in the district.

this should be pretty fun.
when i get the greenlight to give you more information you will get it.
i'm trying to be a fxcking success story.

i'm a provider, girl.
and i love you.

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and tonight i rode the greenline to anacostia
and i sat behind a beautiful young (mid-20's) mother of a 1 year old.
and i felt like writing something before my stop came:

between gallery place & anacostia:

that's your daughter crying
the costume in your hand proves it
different kinds of tricks though
she won't believe in the same holidays as you
there will be tricks with treats
she will use plastic bags given out at school
no gucci bags asked for monthly - weakly
gucci symbols don't look like that
i know that look on your face
that look of revelation
reveal to the world you weren't as grown as you wished yourself to be
but there have been promises made
between the time you first met her daddy and the last time you fucked with no bag and no pills
you promised she'd be raised differently
she'd wear pigtails forever
and she'd enjoy kids meals a bit longer
because deep down
you know that's how it should have been done the first time

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and now i'm waiting on my tilapia and broccoli to finish so i can work out afterwards.
if you want the recipe to any of the foods i make, i will def hit you up

and maybe even start posting them.

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and i end with:

i love you.