this new slave smell i have
- 8:40 PM
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sitting here at the island in my kitchen - hungry as a mofo - looking a the bread bag and noticing nothing but the butts in there. and i damn sure ain't eating the butts of the bread. i'll eat these chips.
seriously, who's eating the butts? (yes, i realize the humor here).
#eatchips
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let me start by saying this:
because of the shxt i write - my mom will probably never get the link to my blog - but i'm finna talk about her anyway. positively, because she is the shit.
when was the last time you called your mother out of the blue and just said something like:
"i was thinking about you and wanted to call and said HEY and I LOVE YOU."
you can tell that to your mom, too, you know.
not just those whores you call after midnight. hahahaha. you know what i'm saying.
and my mom quit smoke cigarettes (and that's the only thing she's ever smoked. well, a little weed back in her day, too...but who didn't get high in the 70's and early 80's?)
so i sent her a poem and made her a video telling her how proud i was of her.
she probably cried at work and shxt and had her co-workers going home smacking their slacking ass sons upside the head like "you lazy sonofabxtch, why don't you write me anything?"
yeah yeah yeah i'm an over achiever.
so dear mom: they say i killed a man. i got the dagger back. i love you mom. keep being the shxt.
(woman and child in picture are not me and my mother)
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and last night, most of y'all know i went to a hollywood chic event in the name of fellow wildcat & all around good guy davon b. i like to think i was dressed fresh. no what i mean.
i mean - i damn near choked myself with the shirt collar, but i was determined to wear the red bowtie (the only bowtie i have since losing the others).
the boots - the jeans - the cardigan & the moxy i have go well together.
for the less enlightened:
Main Entry: mox·ie
Pronunciation: \ˈmäk-sē\
Function: noun
Etymology: from Moxie, a trademark for a soft drink
Date: 1930
1 : energy, pep
2 : courage, determination
3 : know-how
and as i was lifting the not-so-hot-anymore meatballs from the serving dish onto my plate, i heard a voice pushing out patti labelle's "if only you knew" - and immediately i needed a drink to get into the mood the vocalist was trying to bring across. i got a whisky sour - pushed in a meat ball & stood there listening.
singer: coco from swv.
side note: fellas: be careful when you're eating meatballs in public. there may be unwelcoming eyes in the corner watching you, and one of the only things more uncomfortable than you girl watching you wash your ass int he shower, is another man watching you enjoy a swedish meatball. (and banana. break the banana with your hand and put it in your mouth. do not eat it directly from the peel)
and my old fellow wildcats were in effect. the music was definitely where it should have been and EVERYONE had a great time. who could complain.
and in the words of chalie boy: i looked good.
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back when i used to be a writer - a poet of sorts - i wrote this on october 29th 2008 - honor of the upcoming election:
i'm saving my tears for november.
at night i tuck them behind my eyelids.
no one watches me sleep - so i feel safe.
i've hidden my tears in old buckets on porches no one knows exist.
porches only hold sentimental value and potted plants and occasionally glass pitchers filled with lemonade.
i haven't seen them in 6 years
but i know they exist
because i still do.
i've left a few sobs on curbs
and a few sighs on bridges.
i'm saving my tears for november.
when the sun performs its magic i put my tears in my coat pocket to keep them from drying.
my feet hurt and the lights are too bright.
and my eyes are swelling beyond belief.
and 6 more days to go.
i'm saving my tears for november
in case no one cries for me.
and i'm sitting here thinking about all the folks that were screaming YES WE CAN - and now they're NOT.
but i stand behind obama with a rifle and a vest waiting for somebody to come out the mouth wrong.
if you want to blame somebody for the bullshit that happened to your out-of-work family member, blame the man that went to bed every night at 9pm. (G.W.B. - the republican jesus)
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until we stop letting the media spoon feed us that bullshxt they keep in their fridge, we will always smell like this!
and i'm attempting to wash away this salty slave smell from my skin.
but i'm debating.
there's a part of me that's proud to be a field employee (in lieu of 'nigger').
we allow the media to make us followers by assigning us a 'black leader.'
and i FUCKING REFUSE to allow al 'the do' sharpton become my leader. and anyone who follows him is a fucking fool.
moving on:
what's been fucking me up for the past few weeks is folks' willingness to accept selling out.
what she told me was this:
"face it - you're going to have to sell out at some point in your career if you want to be heard."
what i did was hang up and went with another company.
i would never put myself in that situation.
a friend works for tyler perry studios - but i will not apply.
7 friends work for BET - but i will not apply.
i'm for educating and free thinking.
let's plow these fields and kill THE MAN.
and i'm really not that opposed to taking out women and children if they get in the way.
kill the laugh tracks.
side note: when i use the word 'nigger' i speak about ALL people.
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and i will close with a few words from malcolm:
“The [Democratic] Party that you backed controls two-thirds of the House of Representatives and the Senate, and still they can’t keep their promise to you, ‘cause you’re a chump. Anytime you throw your weight behind the political party that controls two-thirds of the government, and that Party can’t keep the promise that it made to you during election time, and you’re dumb enough to walk around continuing to identify yourself with that Party, you’re not only a chump, but you’re a traitor to your race.”
peace.
$2 to fxck up a toilet!
- 10:36 PM
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the pentagon city bally total fitness was packed like a mofo today - so i went in and out and probably gonna work out after i submit this blog...here at home.
but i really really really had to use the bathroom (number one).
so what do i do? i carry my ass into subway and start flirting with Namita, the indian sub maker & cashier so i wouldn't have to buy shxt to use their bathroom. but it didn't work. they must not really like black men. hahaha.
she made me buy the $2 orange juice.
but the time i got in the bathroom though, number one turned into number two.
after all the toilet paper and paper towels it took to sanitize the toilet seat with the bottle of bleach they keep beside the toilet, and the shxt on top of all that - the toilet was stopped up and almost overflowing.
FXCK YOU SUBWAY FOR CHARGING ME $2 TO TAKE A SHXT!
and i walked out with a drunken smile on my face, hoping no one was waiting on the other side of the door to get in. that would have been a real walk of shame. but a walk of relief, too!
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sidenote: i would completely understand if my boy frento (@f3burton on twitter) purchased a kalashnikov and unloaded on the kids of dc. they broke into his car twice. "the children of the corn" he calls them:
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so we had a conversation:
they said: "the thing about icebergs is you only see 10% of them."
i chimed in: "the thing about 90% of our so-called friends is we only see 10% of them"
and the sad things is, the part we see isn't the part that grows.
and by grow, i mean progress.
so we leave them behind.
some of us cross the bridge and burn it once we're across.
some of us cross slowly, hoping they'll catch up before we're completely over it.
and some of us never cross it, and remain bound with them.
the thing about bridges is they are never to be burned. we always leave something on the other side that we may want to retrieve, and not many of us have the abilities of mcguyver or indiana jones.
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one thing i hate (and after i state this, i will be done with it: an ignorant person. look at this fucking tattoo. this dumb b*tch got me cussing)
there are three things i hate doing:
1. sleeping: i don't know why. those who know me know that i get very little. probably the minimum required for living. lately i've been staying up til 6am or 7am and waking up around 10am. it's the life i lead, i guess. one of the reasons i hate when people say "there aren't enough hours in the day."
2. peeing: it just seems so unnecessary. i don't know why really. i mean, i know whe gotta pee, but i feel like there are better things i could be doing. i usually fxck around and wait hours to pee, so by the time i go, i stand there for about 2 minutes pissing. hahahaha.
3. going to the gas station: DAMN! where are the homeless gas pumpers when you need them?
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side note: ladies, remember: good pu**y will get your rent paid. good head will get you a mortgage.
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am i the only one that wouldn't be surprised if we found out that abdulmutallab was a decoy put in place by the u.s. government? i mean, doesn't it seem too easy. some manchurian candidate type shit.
just like the soldier that let loose.
machurian type shit.
and i stood in line in rite aid buy my skittles and there was the newsweek cover.
"the children of bin laden"
why can't he just be mad at the way shit is going in detroit?
dear government: get the fuck outta here with that bullshit.
i mean - i am a conspiracy theorist, but i do not believe it.
other shit i don't really believe:
-they never really caught saddam. that was just some look alike. all that power that sonofabitch had and the u.s. soliders caught him in a hole?
-ain't nobody ever in their life been to the the moon. who calculated how much gas was needed to go? what soundstage did you use, you lying sonsofwhores?
-911 was planned without the help of the american government. YOU KNOW THE U.S. HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT. NOTHING CAN HAPPEN TO THE USE THAT WE DON'T ALLOW TO HAPPEN. BELIEVE THAT!!!
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and j. sills (@pnoty) is getting married next weekend.
wow.
this was my roommate & prophyte and now he's playing his card & sneakers on the alter and making that promise.
and guess who's in the wedding.
me!
in the crisp tux with the crimson vest looking like an open casket funeral.
in my head will be the international player's anthem.
and on my face will be a smile to warm the heart of the women in the audience with their eyes on me.
a day to celebrate alright!
woo!
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and speaking of the bathrooms (not really):
fellas...if there are three urinals and someone is at the one on the end - take your mothereffing ass to the other end.
do NOT occupy that middle urinal.
it makes us uncomfortable.
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you all know i've been transforming my closet.
almost all the bullshit 2007-2009 clothes are gone
and i'm on the the new shit.
and i'm not for becoming a walking billboard for eurotrash like some of the folks i follow on twitter or accept on facebook who change their names to vuitton, gucci or louboutin.
naw...that ain't me.
but if that's you...(clap for 'em).
i'm all about the good stuff. the independent creative stuff. the stuff that starts revolutions!
Check Out MY BROTHER cory townes & BABYLON CARTEL:
CLICK HERE FOR THE MOVEMENT
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and i end with this:
if you take relationship advice from steve harvey- you are a fool.
the end.
question everything (a day like today)
- 12:32 AM
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first and foremost:
happy 99th to those men who have walked through fire but never felt the flames.
i lift my cup to my brothers:
kappa alpha psi
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so last night i told her i'd grab the moon if her world ever got too dark.
we've somehow managed to lock ourselves in every room of the house with a doorknob and coexist in the exact same spaces.
i guess we've done what my seventh grade science teacher taught was impossible.
today i pressed my back against the back of the toilet and wrote you a letter you will never read.
at least until i die.
i pressed my back against the seat and remembered your back pressed against the seat on that bus that time we thought we'd create sex stories with our clothes on - and strangers sitting right in front of us.
i opened your letter with: "to my little snot rag"
in case you find my book and decide to be nosy.
you are not on this planet with me.
damn you and your shit to do.
one day i want to nikki giovanni you.
kidnap you like the poets do.
we can eat fish from sticks on islands with names that are hard to pronounce while watching the water roll across your ashy feet.
(i just laughed out loud for real)
i pressed my back against the chair questioning whether or not we'd be able to lock ourselves outside.
build an imaginary box around us, wondering if the the beach-goers are watching.
they will be.
i always seem to capture the sunsets when i miss you.
this time, i captured the moon too.
and grabbed it - hoping customs allows me to bring it to you.
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so i'm making this the first blog of the new year.
i truly believe that we spend the year the same way we spend the night we brought it in.
i will spend mine in love.
i have run - tripped & fell hard for it all.
i love this shxt i call life. and why not.
i'm surrounded by beautiful people and beautiful people have me.
and i'm not sure if i've written this before, but if so, who cares...i say it again:
the one thing no one will EVER be able to say is that i wasn't there when they needed me.
i got your back like chiroprac-tic!
love this fxcking life like it's your last.
'cause hell - it just may be.
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totally unrelated & possibly absurd & obscene shxt below:
-we must learn the temperature limits of our dxcks, fellas. if your girl likes the shower water on ACID RAIN, you need to know your dxck can't handle it.
-if you're gonna let her sit on your face, make sure she leaves you an air hole. don't be that fool who dies with coochie juice on your face. it ain't cool.
-please take the time out of your busy schedules to learn the difference between YOUR & YOU'RE.
-in 2010 focus more on achieving your dreams, and not just the dreams of your employer. come from behind the desk for a few minutes and compare your personal accomplishments to your career accomplishments.
-maybe we can't turn a hoe into a housewife, but we've managed to make them school teachers and doctors.
-why the hell doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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so we took a few strolls around central park & laughed at the horse pulled carriages and those who thought it was romantic to smell like shit at the end of the ride.
times square was bright - but not as bright as us.
we made the world shine.
it was like a levi's commercial - "oh pioneers."
and it was the most beautiful thing in the world.
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and now i'm facing a decision:
i really hate fxcking dc!
i'm not sure so much if it's dc or if it's howard
but i'm giving god a week to give me a path out of here.
if that path opens up, i'm packing my bags and running fast.
i'm no stranger to regret.
so maybe i'll regret the decision of dropping out of howard & leaving what i have here.
but i've always believed that a life without regrets is a life not worth living.
who wants to live a life full of all the right decisions?
so this year i want to focus on those regrets, bad decisions and shxt i do wrong.
everything i do correctly has been perfected and repeated. no need to dwell on that.
"loiterers should be arrested."
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-she has nothing but bubblegum and a condom in her $800 louis vuitton bag. other than that, she's empty.
let's get things in order. starting with our house. then our pockets, wallets and purses. no matter the cost.
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i used to have a fear of having a daughter.
i remember my college career & the girls i flaunted & introduced to a trife life.
and to think that could happen to some little person attached to me was unacceptable.
but i'd teach her. so i don't worry.
fellas: your daughters need to learn 'the game' more than your son does.
you hold her hand and tell her she's beautiful everyday.
you talk to her about the man you were before you were her father.
you teach her that life.
because we all know that it's scripted.
the lines haven't changed - the moves are still the same.
fools are still asking the girls if they are ticklish and attempting to get them on top.
then the kissing begins.
you tell her not to fall for that bullshxt.
cool?
COOL!
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BUT -
we must raise our SONS too!
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so let's fill our red & white plastic cups with our favorite shxt
and toast to a day like today - then fall asleep at the bar:
then QUESTION EVERYTHING
(photo courtesy of @Vwayne - http://www.vwayneb-ondtheveil.blogspot.com/)
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