because so many of you only know me through this blog, my website and my tweets, you may not know this:
i live in my imagination. nothing there is real, and anything, at any moment, can be changed if i want.
side story (and i promise to come back to the one above):
tonight i went to cirque du soleil ovo and had a "wow" moment.
a wow moment is one of those moments when you're sitting there (or standing there, or whatever you're doing) and something makes you say "wow" loudly.
and i'm not 100% sure if it was the performers moves, and skills and talents, or if it was what was going on between the scene changes and the lighting sequences.
we reached a point in the show where ANYTHING was possible.
i was LITERALLY waiting for someone to disappear and reappear as God or something.
WOW.
back to my story:
i dream big, live big, and will always be this way. this is me.
and i'm happy 96% of the time.
that other 4% is made up of the times when:
*people eff my time and/or money up
*people come to me with their sad stories about how they don't always want to be where they are in life, but they are also unwilling to sacrifice anything to change that place
so i share my stories every chance i get, and my success to any person who has an ear and a WANT.
because like i've been saying for the past 10+ years: "i don't want a benz unless my brother can get one, too." (thanks r. shipman for that)
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so i offer this to those brave enough to listen and act:
in life there must always be a struggle. there must always be suffering. there will always be a defeat somewhere along the way. each of these things are inevitable. but it is always better to lose while struggling and suffering in pursuit of a dream and a goal than to lose without knowing what it is you are fighting for.
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i used to be a bully.
me and "sam" went through each grade together from kindergarten, and five days a week, unless he missed a day, i was making fun of his clothes, gadgets, weight, and anything else i could. a few of the best nicknames one could give a classmate were made up by me, and i was proud of that.
we had a conversation not long ago, and he told me he once tried to kill himself in high school. not completely because of me, but i was factored into the decision. i had put those years behind me, thinking graduation absolved me. what a feeling. i deeply apologized, and since, i've apologized to him, a boy i once blamed for shxtting on the toilet seat and floor in first grade, when in fact it was me with diarrhea, the 10+ dudes who were kidnapped, assaulted, held at gun point and had their homea vandalzed and broken into by me and others in college, and several other random folks.
to those i bullied:
sorry.
but i will say these last two things on the subject:
1. may the killers of bobby tillman and those who stood around watching his life disappear and did nothing but laugh and videotape it live the rest of their life with his face in their minds.
2. if anyone bullies my kid(s) i will kill them, and those who object.
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but yes...
i live in my head where all the beautiful things reside.
when the weather gets to be too much - i change addresses.
i make sure i have at least six "wow" moments a week, but i aim for thousands.
and each day i do something good for someone who will probably never be able to repay me.
and though there is no such thing as a selfless act, this is as close as it gets.
i LOVE my life and the imagination i've been working on since 3 years old.
R.I.P. Messy Mya. When We Book, Who We Book? EVERYBODY.
