keeping up with jones

disclaimer: this may be my ignorant post. read at your own risk.
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for the last two months i've been living in airports & port authorities & highways.
and i love the life i'm building.
but sometimes it gets to be too much. sometimes there are too many sacrifices made in the name of freedom.

and 99.2% of the time i'm actually a REALLY happy person.
i don't get stressed or concerned or worried.
my struggle is my struggle & i know everything works out in the end.
but then there's that .8%

those days when i just feel like shit.
those days i want to quit and just be normal for a bit.

and honestly - without my ego: there are people out there who'd kill for my life.
and i'd happily give it to them for a week.
i just want to walk in the door - leave my shoes and coat by the rack & fall onto the couch & talk shit all night with youknowwho.

one day.

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where i am: chicago midway airport.
what am i eating: southern style chicken sandwich meal with a sweet tea.

so i missed my flight this morning. all blame goes to me, of course.
then i flipped out 'cause i looked online and it said that my flight was the ONLY flight for the day leaving from dulles international - going to jackson, ms.
but if you've been keeping up with jones - then you know i GET SHIT DONE.

so that's why i'm in chicago.
waiting on my flight to jackson, ms.
long story.

let's move on.

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so i got folks getting mad with me because they tweet shit when they get into their emotions - and it's supposed to be about me - but i never read them - because sometimes i'm a selfish tweeter & i only read my @replies.
getthefuckouttaherewiththatbullshit.

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if it's one thing that we as black folks know - it's our job description.
we know what we're NOT supposed to do.
we may not know everything we're supposed to do - but if it's NOT there, we know that.

prime example:

manager: benny, what are you doing?
benny: just chilling right now. nothing big, why? what's good?
manager: since you have nothing to do right now, could you clean out the bathroom a little bit?
benny: you paying me what you pay the cleaning lady?
manager: no. i just figured that since you work here, too...
benny: no. that's not in my job description.

hahahahahahahahahaha

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i'm investing.
i'm teaching.

"why don't you ever come back home?"
is what they ask me when i go back home.

i came from a spot that's promising with a broken places.
it just so happens that most of the black folks still live in those broken places, so i stay where i am.
i don't want to see that.

i hate having to answer my high school friends when they ask:
"what you been doing?"
because i have to tell them the truth.
and i have no problem with telling my version of the truth - i just hate seeing their face when they realize that compared to the shit i'm doing - they've been standing still.

so i'm trying to teach as many of them how to run as possible.
i'm giving them coupons for the shoes i rock - the spots i shop.

i don't act brand new around them.
i act like the guy they remember - for one reason:
because that's who i am.
i've never changed.
ask anyone.
i take pride in that.

let's hit the block and do a few laps.

my folks that are running: (follow them on twitter)

- @dappertrav: "If you don't give it your all, you rob the world of you"
- @_tonyp: "i did not get to where i am by walking with losers"
- @mswoods03: "fucking catalina wine mixer"
- @soulcypher: "i wake up and press record on the camera"

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so i showed my film yesterday in class.
after it was taken a part and analyzed my professor told me that it seemed as though i was trying to brainwash people.
she said i produced a great piece of propaganda.
not a bad thing, i said. if i could do what the geniuses of the world did - GOOD.

see - my professor is an israeli jewish filmmaker
and i'm a conscious black filmmaker.
and i'm more concerned with opening up the mouths of the quiet folks and the ignorant so they can talk about the bullshit going on.
and my film sparked some shit in class.
especially since it had holocaustic imagery and shit.
and a lot of symbolism for those who watch movies for that reason.
click below to watch it!

THE FIELD NIGGER & THE BUCHENWALD JEW

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so now i'm chilling at gate A10 rocking out to sade's no ordinary love:

I gave you all the love I got
I gave you more than I could give
I gave you love
I gave you all that I have inside
And you took my love
You took my love

Didn't I tell you
What I believe
Somebody say that
A love like that won't last
Didn't I give you
All that I've got to give baby

I gave you all the love I got
I gave you more than I could give
I gave you love
I gave you all that I have inside
And you took my love
You took my love

I keep crying
I keep trying for you
There's nothing like you and I baby

This is no ordinary love
No ordinary love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary love

When you came my way
You brightened every day
With your sweet smile

Didn't I tell you
What I believe
Did somebody say that
A love like that won't last
Didn't I give you
All that I've got to give baby

This is no ordinary love
No ordinary love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary love

I keep crying
I keep trying for you
There's nothing like you and I baby

This is no ordinary love
No ordinary love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary love

Keep trying for you
Keep crying for you
Keep flying for you
Keep flying I'm falling

I'm falling

Keep trying for you
Keep crying for you
Keep flying for you
Keep flying and I'm falling
and I'm falling

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follow me on twitter:

@abednego_jones

i went to bed editing & woke up editing my film:
the field nigger & the buchenwald jew

a racially charged conversation between a black man & a jewish man over a game of chess.

i finished this afternoon, and as i type this, i'm burning it to a dvd for the world to see.
i'm actually happy with this first cut.

this happiness is actually based on the fact that today is my last day in one of my classes.
praise god!
and i have a presentation due monday - a paper due wednesday and my winter break may begin.
you already know where the days will find me: someplace warm - "swimming in women with their own condominiums."

actually - pause that. swimming with her in the atlantic ocean.
that is all.

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who is HER, so many of you have been asking since reading the last few blogs.
her is her.

because we are who we are & because we're building what we're building
we don't discuss our affairs with the tabloids.
it's just what we do.

so maybe she DOESN'T really exist
but if she does - there are two people who have proof.

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"back when i was trying to put a ring on alicia's hand"
-drake

(i actually don't know why i wrote the above quote, but i like that part of the song)
#random shit
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so i finished editing - ate some chicken fettucini by stouffer's (nothing comes closer to home) and took a shower.
damnit, i'm running out of lotion and the hair around my edges are growing back and my face is breaking out in a few places, but it's cool. all that can be fixed.

then i made the most important decision of my day:
what cologne will i wear?



if there weren't so many dudes running around trying to figure out what i wear so they can wear it to, i'd tell you what i have.
but there are already three people walking around close by that smell like me because i opened my mouth about my shxt.

but the decision was made and already 6 compliments.
i ride elevators for the hell of it.

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and this weekend to celebrate my parole:

jackson, mississippi
and new orleans.

friends, drinks, flights, hotels, the color purple & a few "fuck you, howard university" quotes.

get like me.
florida next week, i'm thinking.
waiting on the word.

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and with this cold ass wind blowing outside this tech lab window - i remember what my teacher said:
"maybe you should learn a trade."
i'll teach his ass.

so now i'm working on degree #3 - film #3 - city #12 - and trying to get one more hater to help push me a little further.

but i don't want my hater to be a loser. i want a hater with degrees and goals and achievements under his/her belt.
it's similar to when i pray at night:

dear god,
make my enemies strong.
because if i am defeated - they will know i put up a fight.

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so that's what it is, folks.
keep up with me.
i'll keep it fresh.

i've spent more time watching planes depart & arrive in the past month than i've spent in the comfort of my home.
it's the life i signed up for, i know - but damn.
can there be a break between tragedies, love stories & random visits south?

god only knows.
and a few of my followers on twitter (@abednego_jones is me on twitter) have asked if they could have my life.
the thing is: they don't know i'd happily trade lives with them for week.
they'd die, though. this life is built for me & me only.
it's kinda like when a white man goes to certain parts of subsaharan africa. they have no chance of survival.
same story here.

so i'm working on a new soul.
learning a bit about how to give & take.
learning a bit about what is true & fake.

fxck the remainder of '09.
using the next month to destroy so that rebuilding can begin at the beginning.
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so i'm sitting in a fort lauderdale airport smelling like i just fell in love with a beautiful red bowlegged girl - fine as all outdoors.
when in actuality, it's this glazed donut and orange juice that's creating these splendiferous aromas around my lips.
but before 7:20am, she did exist there as well.
and i suppose parts of her will exist on my macbook pro keyboard until we meet again.



it's time to go home.

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i brought the kid back to his mother's place of birth sunday morning after his week in virginia.
it was great spending time with the clone.
his birthday was last monday(23rd) and it was funny watching him have so much fun getting older, and listening to him scream "i'm excited" over and over. i remembered the days when birthdays used to be great. they're still fun, but not as fun. there are no more transformer helmets or remote cars to play with when you're my age.
i guess there could be, but nope.

that's my little dude. i allow him to work on his own thoughts and develop them.
and reach his own conclusions.
when he's seven i'll start sharing my thoughts on life - love - politics & religion.
and answer any questions he may have about whatever.

and i'm working on allowing his future to dwell is my past so that i may live brighter nows. (sw)



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now let's talk in hypotheticals:
hypothetically - if i tell you not to do something because it could result in bodily harm or perhaps even death & you do it - do you not deserve to die or be severely beaten? i mean, look at manolo, scarface's main dude. he had to be taught a lesson.

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my line brother called me with news of his father's passing.
i only have one line brother, so of course it's the same line brother who called me barely a month ago to tell me of his girlfriend's passing.
i told him i'd completely understand if he went crazy for an undetermined amount of time.
i recommend it. just fuck up some shit, and be unapologetic.

pray for him
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and then there's my imaginary friend: my ego.
he's returned. for those who haven't been properly introduced to him, he's a bit of an asshole.
his performance has not yet caught up with his ego, but it's almost there.
he returned saturday night while in the barber's chair in charlottesville.



and before the flight boards, i must wrap this up...
but more blogs coming soon. perhaps from my ego.


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