keeping up with jones

i can remember that damn thing like it was yesterday. it was summer 2003.
virginia was hot as hell - and the social scene was unfolding before my eyes and i was wide open to everything life had to bring my way. i stayed in college park at UVa with the bruhs (eta sigma chapter) in apartment 413 - i think, quite the stanktuary.

she stayed there too. this is that summer every college student hopes happens to them before graduation. the summer all professional men and women look back n and remember life wasn't always about meeting quotas and punching in numbers.

this was a summer of trips to dc - poetry - creating lives for kissing couples in concert hall parking lots - and finding tea spots throughout the city that would allow us to smoke - because we associated smoking with a freedom that only existed in the 60's. And you taught me how to smoke newports - and i provided a laugh every once in a while - and even last minute rides from richmond when you needed an escape. we found couches to live on and cobblestone walkways on which we'd dance and run in the rain.

i know this summer existed - i have poetry written on the back of notecards and receipts to prove it. i have pictures you took of me on my camera to prove it. i have black spots on my lung - probably - to prove that summer existed.

i never coughed when we smoked. you put me on to little red corvette by prince - and i'd drop you off for your EARLY AS FXCK summer school classes. and as long as we didn't call each other boyfriend/girlfriend of any kind - we were happy. i think we may have created our own little hippie world of sorts. we were just happy being free and smoking cigarettes.

we were what books are made of. and now we are friends who seldom speak - but we don't find the need to. we find each other at obama rallies and picket lines and the occasional poetry spot serving up hot tea and desserts to the bourgeois intellectuals we have become.

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and it's funny because i just finished listening to miles davis - and all this came to me - and it's 5:51am...
so i'm gonna go...

for the past few weeks there's a quote that's been fxcking around in my head - making itself known every chance it gets. it goes a little something like this:

i know how I love you and how much I love you, but I cannot sacrifice my inner freedom for you; it means sacrificing my self, and I am the most important thing in the world, as I have already told you.
-che guevara

and it's not there because i just read it a few weeks ago. the truth is i ready it years ago. it's in my head because i keep running into folks who can't seem to grasp this. let's do a quick case study using GIRL 1:

Girl 1 can't seem to wrap it around her mind that i will not make her a priority in my life, whether i'm a priority in her life or not. i did no ask - nor will i ask to become a priority in her life - and i let her know in the very beginning that she will not be one in mine. and it's definitely not because i'm an asshole - or just some random jerk. it's simply because it is not in my nature. i am an aquarius male & an ENFP (look it up).

and i'm not saying this is how things will always be - truthfully, i hope not. but this is how shxt is right now.

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a quick note about a man's diet and the girl who wants to catch and possibly swallow:

i was on the red line train headed to hollywood and vine - and i overheard two loud, hood chicas discussing what i thought was taboo in public forums. but apparently not.

girl one: so i let him do it, and it tasted like salt and butter.

girl two: ewww. he needs to get that together.

fellas: we gotta do better with our diets if she want to be talked about in a good light.
and i can't speak for everyone, but i do the things i do because i want to be talked about to her friends and family and even the chicks she want to make jealous. so those things include:

EATING THE RIGHT THINGS TO MAKE SURE MY SEMEN IS DESIRABLE BY ALL WHO SEEK TO DISCOVER.

pork, salts, asparagus and things of those sorts have been moved to the side. and i don't have a high acidic intake. too much acid in the diet can leave burns in the vagina and cheek after you 'shoot' in there. TRUE STORY.

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so to close:

'if every [dude] in your clique is rich - your clique is rugged.
nobody would fall 'cause everyone would be each others' crutches'
- jay-z

president obama has offered the racist cop who profiled dr. henry louis gates, jr. a beer at the white house to try to amend the bullshxt that's been going down.





and as much as i've stood up for obama, i can't seen to back this decision. it leaves me wanting to ask: what the fxck are you going to offer the racists who shoot unarmed black men 41 times while they're reaching for their wallets? what can be the reason for inviting him. fxck trying to bring racism to an end and holding private meetings in your house - string the bastard up from the lincoln memorial while we sin old negro spirituals. that's my vote.

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okay - so i fxcking need a haircut!
the self esteem seems to be slipping away from me...
got me stuck in the house thinking everybody can still see through my window and laugh...





yeah right!

you folks know i got the self esteem of a porn star.
as a matter of fact i think today i will wear a speedo and head to the intersection of wilshire & vermont and stop traffic.





but i still need a haircut!

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so today is just beginning for me @ 4:00pm.
i've been bullshxtting all day - procrastinating on my shower.

now don't get me fxcked up or anything.
i know how to appreciate a shower - but i just haven't been motivated today yet!

again...the haircut.
but i'm going in there in a sec.

and...i usually cut my own hair, but i need the back faded now, and i can't do that myself. and if i could, i'd refuse.

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in an hour i can be found on wilshire @ wasabi with whoever wants to join me for $1.00 happy hour sushi.
i got a pocket full of legal tender and a hunger for yellow tail and spicy tuna.

lets get it!

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my little sister turned 18 today which makes me feel really old.
i think i missed her teen years for the most part.

what's next for her?
what's next for me?

i turn 30 when she turns 21
it'll be a happy year for us both.

i think i'll be pretty glad to see such an old age. lol.

i remember when i turned 24, all i'd keep thinking was:
damn...biggie was 24 when he died.
but when i was 13 - 24 seemed old as fxck.

ahhh well.

i look forward to old age because i know i've accomplished so much - my age will be measured in achievements. not many people can say that. i know TOO MANY 25+ year olds that have done absolutely nothing they're proud of - excpet maybe graduating college...

but even dummies graduate college.

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before i jump in this shower, let me say this:

"to gain that which is worth having - it may be necessary to lose everything else"
-bernadette devlin
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so the month of august may find me doing something i haven't done in years: stressing.

i'm lying. i won't be stressing, but there will be many decisions that need to be made.
do i stay in los angeles and continue to climb this ladder?
or do i go back to howard university and continue to climb that ladder?

side note: i have what's known as ataraxia: a state of tranquility free from anxiety and emotional disturbance.

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my pros - cons - & bullshxt:

1. i came to los angeles with nothing but an unpaid internship and a gig as a script writer for a film company out of chicago. since being here i've developed into a script editor & evaluator, a playwright, and socialite.

2. howard has fxcked me over in a major way at least 4 times - no lube. the only thing going for howard is the degree at the end of the program - 2 years from now.

3. los angeles is not the east coast. no one here knows how to hustle and grind to achieve - except me - and 7 others.

4. i have a better chance of making my dreams happen out here than back there - a much better chance.

5. i hate los angeles.

6. there are people in dc i love, like and care for.

fxck! what should i do?



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so this weekend is coming to a close in a little under two hours and i must say:
i will miss it.

i had a great time in parks - restaurants - and ikea couches.

i've fallen back in love with a chef that i've known since the days of olde:





he knows the way to my heart is through my stomach. (no brokeback)

a great way to top it all off would have been to go and see esther's little ass in that movie 'orphan.'
i hear there's something wrong with her.
i don't know about you - but i feel it may scare me a little bit.
have me scare to look at adopted kids and shxt.

we shall see.
maybe tomorrow.

i think i'll try to sneak into the theater at universal city walk.
hopefully a girl with low self esteem is working at the ticket window - that's usually the case!

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so tonight i kick it with my pseudo celebrity friends while searching for new folks in my los angeles network.
i can't hang with the lazy and socially retarded - so it's hard making friends in los angeles.

the friends i have here are from the south or the east

now hiring:
la born & raised friends with the spirit of a hustler
and the moxy of a grinder.

start immediately.

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and i leave you with this picture and question:

who will cry for the little boy?