keeping up with jones

altruism: the unselfish concern for the welfare of others may manifest in readiness of fellowshippers to promote group interests over personal advantages.

this week wasn't supposed to go this way.
we're supposed to be old men when these tears fall.
we're all supposed to be in daytona beach right now - drunk - feeling up women - watching our alma mater get the shxt beat out of them in the homecoming football game & laughing it up with bruhs who at one point used to smack us around.

we're supposed to be listening to plies & wayne, learning new strolls from the neYOs as the young ladies and old head deltas & akas watched.

this is not supposed to be the grim interlude.

but we're sitting in st. louis mourning the only way we know how.
since thursday night we've thrown our sorrows to the bottom of jamaican rum & tequila bottles, and let them float in a couple of vodka & beer bottles.
hoping to wake up and be able to make it through the day without hearing:

"it's going to be alright" or
"it was her time to go"

fxck those sayings.
it's not alright
and it wasn't her time.

altruism:

my only line brother called me thursday morning (9 hours after i arrived to daytona for the ONLY thing that excites me all year - homecoming - & 4 hours before he and his old lady was supposed to arrive) to tell me:

him: "you're not going to believe what i'm about to tell you"

me: "fxck! did you miss your flight?!"

him: "she died."

me: "what?"

and then there was a series of what's, how's & when's.
and then there was a matter of me telling her best friends/line sisters.
and then there was a question of how do i get to st. louis?

there were no options.
there could be no debate of sticking around for the festivities or seeing the bruhs who can only make it back once a year.
it doesn't work that way.

when people need you - you go.
if you don't know what to say - you just sit there and listen or wait.
but this is the man i walked through hell with - so i knew what had to happen.
it was reminiscent of diggs & lee.

and we do what we do best while mourning to love of his life - someone's daughter - sister - & friend.

we're supposed to be old men when these tears fall.

altruism.
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my people my people

let's me start this blog by apologizing for bullshxtting with the update.
i hope i haven't lost too many of you to the bullshxt blogs that talk about nothing of substance.
i mean...who among you really give a damn about kandi's ex-dude?
like really?

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so my little brother, @thedizzler, has a little brother @big_malc who's an up-and-coming hustler and all-around good guy, and he hit me up not too long ago saying that i inspired him.

man!!!!
that's the kind of business that inspires me to inspire others.
my dude's in 9th grade and was given an assignment to write a letter to someone who inspires him.
he chose me.

damn. i don't know what else to say - short of crying - that would express how that hit a brother's emotions.
so i continue to grind & hustle, and make the world go 'round.

you never know what it is you may do or say that others can hear & see.
you never know what it is that may hit them and cause them to do something different.

since i've left THE bethune-cookman college in 2005, i've had several of my classmates shoot me messages on facebook telling me how i inspired them to start an organization, or to write a book, or to step out on faith and make life happen for them.
and that feels good.
and like wise i have dedicated books to those who have done that for me, and written letter and poems to those who i observed doing the RIGHT thing.

i say all that to say this:

@big_malc: you inspire me to keep the movement moving.

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today i returned to my computer after a 4 day hiatus.
i opened twitter and have over 100 @replies asking where i was and if i were alive.
i supposed folks have grown accustomed to my face - and my body pics and my tweets.
i appreciate that - i really do.

i was forced to step away and get my mind together for the week ahead of me.
a week of pure foolishness and ignorance.
BETHUNE-COOKMAN COLLEGE/UNIVERSITY HOMECOMING.

that's all i will say about that until the pictures are developed and added to the net.

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let me thank everybody who's been with me since i've decided to grow the hair out. it's doing what it does.
growing - stopping - growing - curling - stopping.

oh shxt...by the way: any many with an s-curl should be lynched.
& if he ALSO has colored contacts, she should by killed by guillotine.

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it's getting cold.
ready to find that book i want to read through winter - slowly.
and that book i can use to write that one long letter to youknowwho

i will write until spring comes.
until the moon is tired of the bullshxt too.

let's live writeously!

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hustle hard until you die: