keeping up with jones

let's start here:

so kanye wanna get drunk and act like a minstrel - fxcking up taylor swift's moment to shine.
she should have politely grabbed the microphone from him - looked him square in the eyes -and said:

"kanye, how's your mom doing? she alright?"

and then kept on with her speech.
the thing about me is that i have less compassion than the average human.
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and then there's the cheerleader of my dreams that seemed to only date the head of football teams.

i'm a grown man with a crush.
that shxt is hilarious to me - but i definitely like it.
it allows me to hang on to my imagination.

it's funny how the playing field becomes level sometimes.
see...college was a great time in life, and she and i were in different, yet equal, circles.

she was the type of chick every dude wanted, and i was the class clown that always kept her laughing.
that friend role.

you know that role!

i was the guy that would sneak in a joke to her every chance i got.
and she would laugh and we'd chat it up for a second - i'd compliment her curves and dance moves - and every few weeks at the KAPPA party i'd pour her a shot or two when she requested.
it was what it was.

see...
i have this belief that some things should always remain a fantasy.
once that fantasy becomes real, so many things come to an end.
sometimes it can be a great thing - but most times, it ends in FAIL.

the person you build up in your head isn't that same person at all.
in my case: what happens if she's not as cool in real life as she is in my head? what if she's crazy?

now - 5 years later - she's still that cheerleader of my dreams - and i'm still the class clown - and i'm trying to keep her laughing as long as possible.

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was it me, or did beyonce's vagina look a bit under developed last night on the vma's? i know it was hidden behind the thin gold flap, but damn - does it have lips, clit and a face?

i saw nothing.
so i tweet that.

then jill started talking shit about me talking shit about beyonce:
so i was like: don't get mad at me because her pu**y is boring.

and somebody else was like "jay must not be hitting her with the big ego."

and in the end i came to the conclusion that beyonce has that vagina all men hate.
looks a little too bland on the outside - too much space on the inside. the walls are too wide - too big - no curving to our penises (yes i said penises).

(this is the part where all the beyonce fans unite and attempt to attack me while i'm not looking.
come on.)
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so the weekend was well spent.
one of those weekends that seem entirely too long, but not too bad.

atlantic city was definitely NOT the shxt.
i lost the $30 they gave us just for going - brought a funnel cake - and walked the board walk coming to the realization that atlantic city must be the handicapped capital of the world.
everybody there was in a wheelchair, or crutches, walker, cane.

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i was standing in the greyhound station, and this little girl wanted to play the gun game.
which gave cause to the reason i teach my son the things i teach him about the world.

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and i will end with this:
did you know that leeches leave their jaws behine when they bite you?